Off to See the Wizard

August 22, 2008 at 6:47 am (Travel Musings) (medicine man)

Ian and 2 American friends who are visiting from home went to see a medicine man near Canggu. Apparently the guy could see through people’s bodies and had already helped cure a friend’s friend of cancer. The 3 guys met with him as a group and he sat behind a Hindu alter. Later, Ian said it  felt like they had gone to see the wizard. When it was each of their turn, the medicine man, named Petut, meditated over them and asked them to look into his third eye. Every one of them, even the non-believer, reported feeling high during this part.
Ian was told he was in pretty good health but had a few circulation and kidney issues to be cautious of. No big deal (thank God!) The Non-Believer was told to be careful of his heart and not to eat the yellow part of the egg ( I could have told him that, the guy drinks like a fish, smoked for 20 years and went crazy in India due to lack of red meat!) The last guy, we’ll call him The Tall One, gave Petut some pause. He asked The Tall One if he had kids and was shocked when he responded that he did. Petut struggled to explain his ailment and asked their driver if he could help translate.
Now the driver was a guy who calls himself Ricky Bobby and goes around the corners way too fast, calling “Shake and bake, Baby!” Yes, he has seen the movie “Talledega Nights” one too many times. Ricky Bobby heard what the medicine man had to say and started laughing uncontrollably. When he stopped, he said, “Man says you have trouble with make babies, like—  short sex.”
“Short sex?” The Tall One asked and the other two looked away uncomfortably.
“Yes, short sex, are you sure you have baby for sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. Definitely sure” The Tall One responded.
Not to worry, the medicine man said. If he drank a tea his wife would prepare, all would be cured in 3 days (at which point, you will find The Tall One at the disco in Kuta). Coincidentally, tea and 3 days time was the cure for all of them.
And so the wizard had spoken. Ian needed a new kidney, The Non-Believer a new heart and The Tall One, well, a new sex. This is not something we will let The Tall One live down soon. I mean, this Petut really did know what he was doing. Laughter truly is the best medicine.